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The Parable of the Lost Son (Luke 15)

Jesus continued: “There was a man who had two sons. The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them.

“Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.

“When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’ So he got up and went to his father.

“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

“The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’

“But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.

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Most Christians are probably acquainted with Jesus parable in Luke 15 regarding the Prodigal or “lost” son. Mine is the modern version of that story.

I was born into a Christian family and upbringing. My grandfather was the pastor of our family church and I went straight to church from the crib. I was brought to the knowledge of faith and salvation through Christ via my family, baptized in the hometown river at seven years of age, read the Bible straight through a few times before age eleven when I became the church organist and designated “most likely” to be a full-time minister in succession behind grandfather.

I was part of the Jesus movement of the early 70s when the long hair rebels of the Viet Nam era pursued crosses and were identifying with a passivist Jesus instead of carrying a gun for Uncle Sam. I chose to tour in ministry during most of my 20s with Contemporary Christian Bands all over the Americas.

My final ministry position in my late 20s was as Youth and Music Minister in a church for two years. I was sitting fat and happy in ministry, everyone thought I was a talented Christian, and I attempted to walk the tight rope between secularism and the life of faith.

Unfortunately, I often questioned the pure fundamentals and authenticity of the Bible, the divinity of Jesus, and began listening to Christian “progressives” who encouraged me to not be judging the lifestyles of others who believed that contemporary issues of abortion, gays rights and sex outside of marriage (among other things) are “OK” and that Christians should not be judged based on these Biblical sins. I became a strange combination of “social liberal”, fiscal conservative, and basically placed theology and philosophy ahead of Biblical doctrine. From there I “graduated” to studying agnostics and atheists, becoming convinced that these ideologies made more sense than faith without proofs. I was tired of the conflictive divisions and perceived judgments within fundamental Christianity and decided it was more important to deal with THIS world and how to live in it versus worrying about “sin” or thinking about an eternity that was beyond my grasp or proofs. I left ministry and the church.

For over 35 years I switched to living a secular life, traveled the world, and did my own “businesses” learning technologies and financial markets. I pursued secular music and business in Chicago and elsewhere for many years enjoying reasonable success and meaning in my music career.

Later I was thrust into the technology revolution of the 1990s, going public with two internet companies and making the most money I could imagine making. My life was full of interesting people, beautiful women, traveling, and “good times” with over 21 years living in various Latin American countries. I also started writing, especially focused on political and philosophical issues of the times…including attacking ALL religions as being divisive and failed thinking. For a long season, I was happy and proud of “myself” as independent and accomplished. The “self-made”, invincible man…

About 3 years ago things started going negatively for me. Everything I had going businesswise went wrong. I burned through a lot of money and for the first time in ages I lost my smug self-assuredness in what I was doing in life.

One year ago my mind started being bombarded by spiritual songs from my youth and Bible passages started forcing their way into my memory. I would have to purposely go out of my way to drink and party in order to avoid those thoughts and influences. Looking back now, I see all of this as God’s Holy Spirit starting a new work in me regarding faith.

In February, my wife and I were visiting Florida pursuing business and spending time with friends and family. She flew back to our home in Medellin, Colombia on March 16. I was to follow a week or so later. As it turned out, due to the world’s reaction to the pandemic, I was locked out of Colombia while my wife was locked in. For over six months we maintained communications online every day, but everything in our lives was shutdown to a standstill. No work, no income, and a growing bitter reaction to the governmental lockdowns that made no sense.

After more than seven weeks in Florida making no progress and going very dark in my mind and spirit, I packed my bags into a rented car and drove to Michigan for the summer having no idea what to do for sure. I just had the strong sense that I was to be closer to my family and friends from childhood.

My 85-year-old Christian mom and sister welcomed me with open arms to their homes. They (and many others) had been praying for me for decades that God would return me to faith. Anyone who knows me would probably provide witness that I am a strong personality full of my own opinions, passions, and feelings. I like being around people, staying busy, and have more interests than any one person probably should. Yet, at this time I quite honestly just wanted to be alone, do nothing, and consider in solitude what the future may hold for me and my wife in the midst of this crazy pandemic they called COVID.

As it turned out, God had me right where he wanted me. As I spent day after day and week after week at my mom’s home, I began to have many sleepless late nights in a room reading, listening to music and then starting to have various meaningful dreams. I cannot begin to explain rationally what was happening. I did not hear an audible voice or see a vision such as many Biblical figures had, but I started sensing that I was no longer alone…in that room or in this world. A strange calm started to come to me in my own space and time. Without reading the Bible, I started having more scriptures from my youth that I hadn’t read or thought about for going on 40 years start flooding my mind. Probably most mental health professionals would suggest I was having “psychotic episodes” or “reverting to my child”, but it is now very clear to me that God’s Holy Spirit was making itself known in a way different from ever before.

Slowly but surely, each day I found myself yearning to return to the solitude of my room and started reading the Bible and praying like I never had before. Finally came the night, around 2AM in the morning, that I prayed, “OK God. You win. I accept you back into my life and my consciousness. I don’t know what this means or what you want from me, but I now officially open my whole being to your service and your presence. Just like that man in the Bible I say “I believe, but help my unbelief”.” I then entered into one of the most profound nights of sleep I had had in probably many months or even years.

The next morning at breakfast with my mother, I told her that over the previous number of days I had been wrestling with God and that I believe he had restored me to faith in the gospel. For the first time in over 35 years, I was fully convinced of the power of God’s word, the Bible, to convict of sin and offer the path of salvation and forgiveness through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. I said, “I believe God brought me back here so you could be part and witness of the Holy Spirit restoring me to faith”. I think she found it hard to believe at first, but she said she was very happy to hear that and that she would continue to pray that this would take root in my life. I had been a hard case…so I understood her hesitation to show much emotion at this.

The next night I felt inspired to blog about my spiritual reawakening and shared it with my innermost circle of Christian friends and family, including my wife. The next morning when I called her, we were both in tears as I shared these details and she expressed her joy with me as she had also been praying for this breakthrough and change. I had not been easy to live with for quite some time.

Other details and stories will be shared in a book or by personal witness, but for now, I can only say that in these last months I have had a peace and increasing conviction of God’s truth and reality. If you know me very well, you know that this in itself is a miracle.

My wife is now with me in the USA and we are more united in purpose and love than ever before in our over 18 years together. We both sense that our lives are “under new management” and we have a whole new approach to life. We have no sure idea what the future holds, but are convinced of who holds the future. We are still figuring out where we should live and what we should do. At this point, God is just teaching us day by day how to really trust in him and “not lean to our own understanding”. The Bible says, “In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths”. I am not used to this, but I welcome it. I am relieved, revived, and have an all-new passion for life starting at 65 years of age when most people are trying to retire.

My new life mantra is “for me to live is Christ, and to die is gain”. I trust He will help me be as in the “Prayer of St Francis”…

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace
Where there is hatred, let me sow love
Where there is injury, pardon
Where there is doubt, faith
Where there is despair, hope
Where there is darkness, light
And where there is sadness, joy
O Divine Master, grant that I may
Not so much seek to be consoled as to console
To be understood, as to understand
To be loved, as to love
For it is in giving that we receive
And it’s in pardoning that we are pardoned
And it’s in dying that we are born to Eternal Life
Amen