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Culture and the church itself has historically misunderstood God’s plan and purpose for marriage between men and women. Because of that, our current understanding regarding sexual roles and identity in general is significantly distorted.

In Genesis, when God said he would make woman as a “helper” to the man, the word used in Hebrew was in no way a secondary or subservient role in a relationship.

God used the same word in Genesis 2:18 to describe woman that He uses to describe Himself in various other passages. According to scholar R. David Freeman, the Hebrew phrase “ezer kenegdo” signifies “to rescue” and the other meaning is “to be strong”. How did the description of a strong rescuer ever get construed as being subject to or secondary to a man?

You have the same word in Hebrew Scriptures referring to the Holy Spirit as “Yahweh-Ezer” and “Elohim-Ezer”. Would you suggest that God the Holy Spirit is secondary or subservient to mankind? That would a mistake, and it would seem women play a similar role to the Holy Spirit in their families and union with man WHEN they are surrendered to their spiritual purpose. Godly women have senses men don’t have and are meant to help guide and direct men in their relationships.

Turning it back around to the spiritual and holy, we DO see God becoming “a servant” to mankind in the Gospel. Jesus’ message was one of being humble and serving those weaker than ourselves. Obviously, the atonement of His blood sacrifice on the cross to pay the price of our sins was the ultimate act of submission and subservience to accomplish the will of God the Father. This is both confusing, mysterious, and yet too marvelous for humans to understand. God became the sacrificial “lamb” for the redemption of mankind because of His love for us. We are not strong enough to save ourselves or obey the universal laws of God the Creator. Thus, God made the sacrifice Himself for the sake of mankind…once and for all who would receive His truth past, present and future.

As we now once again look at this regarding God’s plan for men and women, we can see that our roles in marriage and society in general are to be of mutual and equal respect. Patriarchy and matriarchy are not primary and secondary…they are equal, and in many things women are stronger than men. We are to be complimentary to each other with different roles in families and society…but that does not make one more important than the other. Men might traditionally have more physical strength as designed by God, but women have strengths most men cannot begin to comprehend.

Just as Jesus died and resurrected to give us victory over sin when there was nothing we could do to earn his sacrifice or gain forgiveness, so men and women are to be equally subservient to each other in our various roles in family and society. There is a beautiful order to things when you see a well balanced family where the father and mother have great unity and mutual respect because of their spiritual understanding and values. “Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also” (Proverbs 31:28). That is part of the patriarchal role in families…giving honor to the woman and protecting that honor.

Just as Jesus has sacrificed his power and ego momentarily in order to save his “Bride” the church…so men are to live sacrificially to cover and serve their wife and children. This is a hard lesson for those of us who grew up following the wrong understanding of a humanistic macho society. The patriarch has no power without the matriarch in relationship to family and society. If we can understand this in our human roles, we can BEGIN to understand the whole eternal relationship between God and man, Creator and the created.